Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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