Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize