This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
