allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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