why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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