Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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