what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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