do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize