Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who put my cat in the fridge?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
