Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
