Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
