my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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