I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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