The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
