8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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