We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
