Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
