He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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