im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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