I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
