I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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