I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize