Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
