It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
