the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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