He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
