Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
