You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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