Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
