last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
