If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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