Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
