remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
