I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
