in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
