then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
