I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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