Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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