I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
