i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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