There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
