Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
