You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
