Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
