I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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