Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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