My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
