You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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