hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
