dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
