So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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