It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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