i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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