did you get engaged???
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Randomize
