hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
