Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
