You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All the doctor said was why
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
