First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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