I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
