There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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