Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
