butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize