I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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