I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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