woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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