I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
