i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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