Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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