Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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