im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
