Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
