and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
