You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
