We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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