could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
