At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize