I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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