So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
