I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He has the fingertips of a God
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