We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
