I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
