I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
