it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
