i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it glows. i had to have it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
